Putting It In Perspective

A young soldier in G's unit was killed by an IED - the first soldier for our unit. Please take a moment of silence to pray for this soldier and his family before you go to sleep tonight.

I've had gripes the last couple days. Feeling sorry for myself a bit and getting very frustrated with Bubba and Sissy. When I put my gripes in perspective with this fallen soldier's widow and son, I feel shallow.

I could have easily avoided the gripes and frustration, too. I could have chosen my mood differently.

When spouses are "left behind" during a deployment to take care of everyday things - house, lawn, vehicles, homework, errands, etc - we have to choose how to behave. We are the first model our children see and have to choose our mood carefully. I try hard to be positive each day. If there's cruddy phone reception or the web cam isn't able to work, it's okay. I know my soldier tried to call me, loves and misses us, and wishes he could be here every second that he's there. If there's a blackout, it's okay. No one is knocking on my door to notify me of wounds or death, so it needs to be "business as usual" with the kids. If the car's check engine light stays on for a year, it's okay. It still runs and the mechanic has assured us that the car is safe to drive.

Staying in bed, hiding from everything will do little but make your children act out for your attention. Staying cooped up in the house, afraid to miss a call or notification will do little but drive you completely batty from staring at the same four walls all day. Keeping a routine - working out, school, meals, baths, etc - will all help make the days go by faster and smoother.

Is it hard? Absolutely. It's hard to be a soloist when you're used to being a duet. You're missing the instrument that makes you sound, perform and feel your best. It's easy to think you're alone and that you have no one to hold your hand through this difficult deployment. In reality, reaching out to the other spouses will make you feel like you have family nearby. They become the friends, sisters and brothers, babysitters, meal sharers. They know exactly what you're going through and have the same issues with parenting and feeling alone. These women and men will become exercise partners, dinner swappers, childcare traders, and deal finders. They'll become your chosen family for life because we're surviving this together and it's creating a bond and support system.

For you non-military supporters - you're just as important. Visits, play dates, dinners & drinks all help give us milspouses something to look forward to. I call them mini goals. If I look at deployment as a whole, I get overwhelmed. When I break it up into chunks or have an event or trip or visitor planned, it seems like it flies by. If my Army wives are my support system, non-military folks give me a change of pace (and topic!). It's even more fun when friends are both.

Tonight, I am choosing to thank my Army wives for their support. I am choosing to thank my family and friends back home for their open invitations and arms when I'm in their towns. I am choosing to feel connected to my husband. I am choosing to cuddle my children and watch a movie that makes us laugh.

I am choosing the behavior that makes this deployment more comfortable for everyone.