Poor Bubba.

He misses G so much and he just lacks the vocabulary and maturity to express it.

A few nights before W left, Brady had a complete fit over eating spaghetti. He ended up crying for Daddy and when I reminded him that Daddy was at work and helping people, he said "Daddy come back!" He's had issues when I drop him off at school, too. He is so excited to go to school and talks about it nonstop all morning and in the car on the way there. Once he's hung up his backpack and washed his hands, his lower lip starts trembling and he has a scared look in his eyes and he always says "Mommy, don't leave!" It breaks my heart that Bubba is having such a hard time with the deployment and George being away.

Two nights ago, G and I had planned to talk via webcam, but they ended up on a communication blackout. I had foolishly told Bubba that we were going to talk to Daddy that night, only to log on to a black screen. He cried and cried about wanting to talk to Daddy and no matter how many times I told him "Daddy lost his batteries," he was inconsolable. The only thing that was able to calm him down was the offer to make a video to send to Daddy instead so that we could still talk to him.

This evening, I put the kids to bed at the usual time. Once the kids were asleep, I took the trash out, broke down boxes, wheeled the trash can to the street and cleaned up the garage a bit. I have my own moments where I wish G was home! I crawled into bed around 11pm, hoping to read for a bit and around 11:15pm, Bubba came downstairs.

Bubba: Mommy?
Me: Yes, Bubba?
Bubba: I sleep with you?
Me: No, you need to sleep upstairs in your bed.
Bubba: It not working.
Me: You can't fall asleep?
Bubba: No, my bed not working.
Me: Go try to sleep, baby. I love you.

At 11:30pm, Bubba returned.

Bubba: Mommy, Daddy working on trucks and helping people?
Me: Yes, Bubba.
Bubba: Daddy miss me?
Me: Every minute, baby. He misses you so much.
Bubba: I sleep with you?
Me: No, you need to sleep upstairs in your bed. I love you.
Bubba: I love you, too, Mommy.

And again at 11:50pm.

Bubba: What Oliver doing? Oliver sleeping? (Oliver is our cat)
Me: Yes, Bubba.
Bubba: We go to library?
Me: In the morning, but only if you go to sleep, baby.
Bubba: I sleep with you?
Me: No, baby, you need to sleep upstairs in your bed.
Bubba: Ok. I love you, too, Mommy.
Me: I love you, too, Bubba.

I know that I'm lonely and that I miss G for many reasons, but I think the absolute hardest part of deployment is how much the kids miss him and feel his absence. G feels like he's missing so much while he's away, but I don't think any of us realized how much we depend on him - for dinner time, bath time, story time, adult time, bed time, and just his love, support, and affection overall. Deployments suck, but I truly believe that this is strengthening G and I's bond and our marriage every single day. The hardest transition for the kids (and I) is learning to do things without G and then reintegrating G into our lives when his deployment is over.

I found another blogger (a SAHD!) who blogged about this topic: http://armyspouseami.blogspot.com/
He has a way with words that I don't (haha), but he has a 7-part series on reintegration that I have been reading and re-reading lately. Great ideas to share with a spouse who might be deployed!

Bad Mommy Moment

This evening on the way home from a day at the zoo and dinner at a yummy local Mexican joint, El Bracero, Bubba was jabbering away in the backseat. All of a sudden he says "Oh no, a pider!" Titi (Bubba's word for Aunt W) and I turned our heads and sure enough, a white spider was crawling along the top of the window seaming on the inside of the truck. I ordinarily don't pull the car over for anything, but I know I would want someone to do it for me if I saw a spider!

Once I pulled over and parked, I grabbed a baby wipe (never a shortage around my kids) and started climbing over the seat to kill the spider. It starts jumping! Silly little albino spider starts jumping. Bubba starts squealing because he (like any normal person) doesn't want the spider to jump on him. I finally succeed in killing the spider and everyone lets out a collective sigh of relief. Whitney and I started laughing and she snorted which made us laugh harder.

"You f**king pug!" I said to her.

"A f**king pug! A f**king pug," parroted Bubba.

OMG. Crap. "Bubba, those are not nice words. Titi is a funny pug."

"Haha, Titi funny pug."

WHEW. Close one...